


listen before i go

by misstraffy



Series: expanded one shots [3]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst, Basically Just Me Projecting Onto Law, Depression, Heartache, Hurt/Comfort, IRL Problems, Luffy Is A Goddamn Angel, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Therapy, so much hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:00:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29024610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misstraffy/pseuds/misstraffy
Summary: "Do you ever think about..."Several minutes pass."Do I ever think about what?"Law shakes his head and looks up to the skies. His expression is thoughtful, wistful. "Never mind," he whispers.Luffy reaches for his hand and intertwines their fingers. He's cold.
Relationships: Monkey D. Luffy/Trafalgar D. Water Law
Series: expanded one shots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1954081
Comments: 15
Kudos: 63





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> A/N from my drabbles: I was crying earlier for no reason and thought I should make Law do the same. And then I kept writing and writing, and then it got pretty dark. Lyrics are from 'listen before i go' by Billie Eilish. I was listening to 'i love you' by her a lot while writing the last part. I recommend listening to that as well.
> 
> A/N 2: this fic is a continuation from my drabble of the same title. the first chapter will be the same, but the second is new. the content will be dark. just letting you know.

* * *

**one**

* * *

_Take me to the rooftop_

_I wanna see the world when I stop breathing, turnin' blue_

Luffy walked into their bedroom to Law sitting on the edge of the bed, crying silent tears.

"Oh baby," Luffy breathes, dropping everything and rushing to his side. "What is it?"

Law breathes in sharp, breathes out slow. Continues staring blankly at the floor. "...I don't know."

"It's okay." Luffy wraps his arms around him. "I'm here."

Law hums and shakes his head as if to pull himself out of his stupor. He gives Luffy a small smile. "Sorry. I was just-"

"Don't apologize," Luffy says fiercely. "Don't you _ever_ apologize."

Law clamps his mouth shut and swallows the next "sorry" on his tongue.

_Tell me love is endless, don't be so pretentious_

_Leave me like you do_

"I'm not hungry."

Luffy looks up at him, puzzled. "But it's your favorite, grilled fish."

"I had something to eat at work earlier," Law explains, pushing away his plate. "They were throwing a party in the break room."

"But you told me they never did things like that..." Luffy murmurs, more to himself than to his partner. He sets down his utensils and eyes Law carefully. "What did they serve?"

He snorts. "Some cheap ass pizza."

"And you ate cheap ass pizza."

"Yes."

Luffy stares at him outright. "That must've been hours ago. You sure you're not hungry?"

"I promise. It tasted like shit and ruined my appetite." Law gets up and rounds the table, planting a soft kiss on Luffy's head. "Don't worry about me, baby. I'm fine."

Law ruffles his hair and gives him this darling grin, then walks off. Luffy watches him go, conflicted. He's not too sure when Law started being such a convincing liar. It concerns him.

_If you need me, wanna see me_

_Better hurry 'cause I'm leavin' soon_

"Do you ever think about..."

Several minutes pass.

"Do I ever think about what?"

Law shakes his head and looks up to the skies. His expression is thoughtful, wistful. "Never mind," he whispers.

Luffy reaches for his hand and intertwines their fingers. He's cold.

_Sorry can't save me now_

_Sorry I don't know how_

"When are you going to get up?" Luffy places his hands on his hips, pouting. "I made breakfast for you! And aren't you late?"

Law makes a soft sound but doesn't stir. "..."

"What?"

"...-ng to work."

Luffy leans forward, holding a cupped palm to his ear. "Come again?"

Law finally faces him, cheek squished against a pillow. It's adorable. "I'm not going to work. I'm exhausted."

The younger's lips pinch into a soft frown. "I'll let Shachi and the others know, sure, but..." He sits down on the edge of their bed and leans forward to kiss his forehead. "You've been missing a lot of shifts these last few months. Is there something at work..?"

He shakes his head. "I'm just tired."

The words are said with an edge that raises red flags in Luffy's mind. "Law," he says firmly, "what's up?"

Law blinks at him. "What?"

"You've been acting weird."

"I have?"

" _Yes,_ you've...babe," Luffy continues on in a softer tone. He cups Law's face in his hands, rubbing a thumb over the soft skin of his cheek.

"is there anything I can do to help?" he whispers, leaning close to press their lips together gently.

Law stares at him as he pulls away, and there's this sullen look to his eyes, this defeat deep within them. It's haunting. "Some breakfast."

Luffy exhales slowly. "Alright, I'll bring you a plate. You stay right there and don't go anywhere."

"...I won't."

_Sorry there's no way out_

_But down_

_Hmm, down_

Law's been on edge.

Luffy doesn't know exactly what to label the behavior he sees in Law, but those are the first words that come to mind.

He wants to help him fight whatever he is he's fighting, these invisible enemies that come to torment his lover, but he can't. All he can do is hold him.

He's nothing more than a bystander.

He feels useless.

_Taste me, the salty tears on my cheek_

_That's what a year-long headache does to you_

They're in Luffy's car, driving down the highway in the dead of night.

"Hey."

Luffy turns down the radio. "Hmm?"

"Do you ever feel..." Law makes a face as he trails off, trying to find the right words to articulate his thoughts. "Do you ever feel like you think you feel something, but you don't? Like...it's all in your head? And you're faking it?"

"Um," Luffy taps the wheel in time to the beat, "like feelings for someone else, or..?"

"No no, like..." Law makes this grandiose gesture with his hands. "Feeling sad. I dunno."

He eyes Law carefully. "You're sad?"

"You know that's not what I said, Luffy."

Luffy faces the road again and switches lanes for their upcoming exit. "I think anyone who feels something, _anything_ , no matter how much or how little of it they feel...they have a right to feel that way. You say it's all 'in their head', they still feel _something_ , right?"

Law nods slowly. "Yeah. Definitely something."

"Then the feeling is valid, no matter what. If someone makes them think otherwise, they're a piece of shit."

"Validity, huh?" Law muses, losing himself in his thoughts. He turns to Luffy with a smile. "You know, you should've gone into counseling."

"Like a therapist?" Luffy laughs softly. "I couldn't. I just say what's on my mind. And I'm too oblivious for that kind of job, anyway."

Law looks out his window to the whirling trees passing by. "...I don't think so."

Luffy studies him out the corner of his eye. Sensing their conversation was done, he turns the radio back up.

_I'm not okay, I feel so scattered_

_Don't say I'm all that matters_

_Leave me, déjà vu_

Law doubles over in laughter, nearly wheezing in the middle of the park. "Oh my god, did you-"

"Yeah," Luffy giggles, wiping at a tear in his eye. "That little girl was so scared, holy shit."

Law grins wide and takes Luffy's hand again. "Poor thing, falling over when that poodle came near. She looked like she was about to cry."

"It was so small, too. I thought everyone liked dogs," Luffy muses as they continue down the trail. It was a beautiful day out. The wind was warm and blew loving kisses down their faces. The park wasn't too congested this time of day, and it left them with ample peace and quiet.

"No," Law shakes his head. "Some people like cats, instead. Or keep other pets like birds, hamsters, fish, or rabbits. And then there's others who don't like animals at all."

"Really?" Luffy asks. "Why? Animals are nice."

"I dunno." Law brings Luffy's hand to his lips, planting a soft kiss. The younger blushes slightly as warm breath ghosts over his skin. His voice lowers, almost to a murmur. "Maybe because animals see through the bullshit. Especially dogs."

Luffy blinks. "But you like dogs."

Law smiles down at him and gives his hand a squeeze. "I do."

_Call my friends and tell them that I love them_

_And I'll miss them_

_But I'm not sorry_

Luffy woke up to the sound of sniffles.

He blinks tiredly and looks over his shoulder to squint at the clock on their nightstand. It was a quarter to five in the morning.

He turns back to the left, where he's greeted by the lean, shaking muscle of his lover's back. Luffy hesitates, unsure how to proceed. He quickly pushes doubts out of his head and reaches out gentle fingers to his side, warm under the thick blankets. Law tenses at the touch, breath hitching. He doesn't say a word as Luffy comes close, cheek to rising and falling back. His arms are secure around Law, a silent ' _I'm here'._ Luffy presses closer, tangling their legs, and stays there for several moments.

When Law's breathing steadies, he tries for conversation. "Can't sleep?" he whispers.

He sees Law shake his head. "No."

"You thinking?"

A nod. "Yes."

"...About?"

Law exhales shakily and brings an arm to cover Luffy's around his midsection. "You."

The younger hums, kissing the skin between his tense shoulder blades. "Me?"

"Yeah." His voice cracks.

Something in his tone makes his stomach sink. "...It wasn't good, was it?"

Law sniffles again, and a part of Luffy breaks. "No," he whispers so breathily Luffy almost doesn't catch it. He curls in on himself a little more. "I'm sorry."

"I told you not to apologize."

"...Sorry."

" _Law_."

He takes a deep breath, and Luffy feels his lungs expand and contract with air. "Okay."

_Call my friends and tell them that I love them_

_And I'll miss them_

_Sorry_

"Luffy, please calm-"

" _No!_ " Luffy yells, "I'm not- how can you possibly expect me to _calm down?_ "

Law flinches, looking down at the floor. "I'm-"

Luffy's body shook, hands clenched around a crumpled note. " _Don't_."

The older man curls in on himself even more.

"What..." he raises the sheet of notebook paper with teary eyes. "Law, what is this?"

Law doesn't answer.

"You...you wanted to..." Luffy trails off. He inhales through his nose and lets out the broken air through his mouth. "I'm so _sorry_."

"Luffy, I-"

"This is my fault."

Law snaps up, eyes shining with unshed tears. "What? No it's-"

"Yes it is!" Luffy snaps, throwing the paper to the floor. "I saw the fucking signs! You were in pain and I should've...I _could've_ -"

The older man's lips tremble as tears run down his face. "God, don't say that, Luffy."

"If I had just pushed a little harder-"

"No, you-"

"-maybe talked to your friends, or, or-"

"That's not-"

"-called someone, a therapist, or- god we even _mentioned_ one a while back-"

" _Luffy!_ "

Law grips Luffy's arms and shakes him a little. Luffy chokes on his words. " _Stop it_ ," he begs, "please, stop..."

Luffy digs his nails into his forearms and heaves a large sob. "How do you expect me to react when I find your...your _note_ , Law?"

The older palms his eyes, looking defeated. "...I don't know."

Luffy stares at him through blurry lenses, heart broken. Before him was just the shell of the man he fell in love with. This battle he's been fighting has consumed his very being, eating him up inside until he turned hollow. Luffy wraps his arms around Law and buries his face into his neck, head pounding through his tears.

"This isn't your fault."

The younger looks up, and Law's staring somewhere over his shoulder with that _look_ in his eyes. The one that haunts Luffy ever damn time he wears it. "Don't..." he runs a hand through Luffy's hair as he speaks, his voice a low rumble in his chest. "Just...don't, with the 'I wish', 'I could', 'I should'...please."

Luffy relaxes into the touch, sniffling. "But-"

"To blame yourself for what goes on in my head isn't fair." Law huffs out a breath and looks at the ceiling, his face pinched in pain. "It's _my_ fault. I'm tired of fighting only to lose, over and over again. I've given up. I'm _tired._ "

Hearing it all being laid bare breaks something in him.

"Just don't leave me," Luffy sobs into his shoulder, grip tightening around his warmth. "I love you so damn much it _hurts_. I'm sorry. _Please_ don't leave me."

Above him, Law sniffles and hugs him back weakly. The dam broke slowly for him, starting with small cracks in the foundation before it broke forth, releasing ages and ages of pent up pain. He trembles so hard he shakes even Luffy with the force of his tears. Luffy clung onto him like he was the only thing in the world that mattered, thankful he could still feel the heavy beats of his heart, the rugged breaths from his lips. His warmth, his arms around him, his voice.

Him.

"I love you," he repeats, nearly choking on the words through the wrecking sobs. "I love you, I love you, _I love you_." He squeezes his eyes shut and imagines for a second a world without Law. It's a piercing kind of dark. A sharp pain sears through his chest and seizes up his body at the thought.

"Please, Law, I love you," Luffy cries, and he knows the palilogy might be useless, but he does it anyway. He does whatever he can to make sure it gets in Law's head and stays, a valuable ally in the feud against his demons. "I love you."

Law smiles sadly down at him. "I know."

Luffy dares a look at his lover, dares a small sliver of hope to blossom. "Then-"

"But I'm sorry." Law holds him close. "I love you, but I'm sorry."

* * *

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	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: i am law. law is me.

* * *

**two**

* * *

Ever since that day Luffy found his note, Law's been more careful. Careful to make sure Luffy doesn't see parts of him that he'd rather leave untouched, parts of him that could disappoint the other. Parts of him that were ugly, mangled, and rotten to the core. He keeps it all hidden away, and forces upon himself a smile to greet Luffy with, always.

He thinks Luffy has caught on to his bullshit.

"Law."

Law turns in bed, gulping down his fear, eyes wary. "Yeah?"

"What's up?" Luffy trails fingers down his arm to his hand, holding it gently. "You don't seem yourself nowadays."

Law takes his bottom lip in between teeth, then sighs. "I'm alright."

"No you're not," Luffy whispers, intertwining their fingers. "You're not, I can tell that much."

Law wonders when Luffy has been able to see through him as clearly as glass. It's a little scary, having another human know you so well, but with Luffy, it's not so bad.

So he decides to go with the truth.

"I've been thinking of hurting myself."

Luffy's breath catches, and Law's eyes fall shut. He didn't want to see the pain that would be evident in his expression, didn't want to see the hurt.

Didn't want to see the _pity._

"...Fatally?" Luffy ventures in a hushed tone, and it takes all of Law's willpower not to start tearing up. It's something he's carried in his heart for a long while now, and having opened up to Luffy was scary. But now he was here and the conversation was already happening. Law couldn't back out, and hell, it's fucking _scary._

Law makes sure his eyes are trained on everything but Luffy. "Yes."

"God..." Luffy breathes, hand leaving his in favor of Law's face. "...You're crying."

Law reaches up to his cheeks and sure enough, his fingers come back wet. "I didn't mean to."

"Law, you know I don't care about that stuff," Luffy murmurs, concerned, "I'm more worried about what you said."

"Don't worry," Law assures without conviction, "it's not like I have a plan or anything. They're only thoughts."

"That doesn't make it any better."

Law inhales with a shudder. "I'll be fine."

"But it's _not."_ Luffy searches his eyes for a long minute, just taking him in. Law feels like he unravels under that gaze, heart hammering away against his chest, mind clouding. "You just casually told me you wanted to _die,_ Law. That's not...that's not okay. In the _slightest."_

Law leans into his touch, closing his eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize."

"Luffy-"

"Don't." Luffy's voice breaks. So does Law's heart.

"...I think we need to get you to a therapist."

Law purses his lips. "Do you think so?"

"God, I _know_ so." Luffy caresses his cheeks and wipes off the tears. "After what happened with the note, coupled with the things you say...it's terrifying. And I want to support you and give you all the help you need but I can only do so much. You don't know what it does to my head, hearing you say those things. Watching you go through those things. It fucks me up, Law."

True. Law doesn't know what it's like to be in Luffy's shoes. Being told by the man you love that he wants to end his life. Law could only imagine.

Lord knows _he_ wouldn't be able to handle it.

Law looks away. "It must be hard…"

"It is." Luffy agrees without missing a beat. "But I don't mind. As long as you're still here with me."

"You're...really fucking strong, Luffy," Law says admiringly, as if realizing it for the first time.

Luffy laughs lightly. "You're stronger. You beat the monsters in your head telling you to do those awful things."

Law doesn't have the heart to tell him he lost terribly, and the only reason he wasn't six feet under was because Luffy found his note in time.

"I think we deserve a break from everything." Luffy smiles at him, and it makes Law's heart skip a beat. "A picnic date, by the ocean. Are you in? Yes. You're in."

"You're not leaving me with much of a choice." The words aren't phrased as a question, and it makes Luffy smile wider.

"Nope!"

Law sighs. "Fine. As long as there isn't bread."

Luffy shuffles closer to him in bed, wrapping his arms around his middle, nestling in the crevice under his neck and chin. Law lays with his arms situated around Luffy, holding him close with his eyes wide open, thinking, musing, contemplating. About everything. About his life, his future, his past, his now. And his mind gets muddled with it all until it becomes a throbbing headache against his skull.

He always thinks himself into a corner like this.

He needs to stop.

Luffy shifts against his front, murmuring something in his sleep. Law looks down at his love and feels a wave of calm wash over him. It's with this anchor to earth that Law finally falls asleep, whirling thoughts coming to a temporary pause.

* * *

Picnic day.

And Law's going through it.

"God what if I just. What if I just fucking overdosed."

Luffy turns to him in alarm. "Law, what the fuck?"

Law chuckles mirthlessly. "Like what the fuck would happen if I just chugged all my meds, right here right now?"

"Don't joke about shit like that," Luffy's voice wavers the slightest bit, belaying the conviction with something else, something more emotional. It seems he still wasn't over seeing Law's note. Still not over the conversation they had in bed a few days ago. Law doubts he would ever be, and for that he is sorry.

But he's not sorry for this.

"But it's not a joke." Law rolls his eyes up to the sky, studying the clouds as they draft by. "Cause there's nothing in this world that really matters, anyway."

"Do I need to call Robin?" Luffy asks tightly, hands gripping the fabric of the picnic blanket under him, as though it would anchor him from falling into the hole that Law has.

Robin is Law's therapist.

Luffy got him set up the day right after that exchange they had in bed.

"No, leave that poor woman be," Law sighs, waving off the words. "Therapy is bullshit anyway."

"Law," Luffy frowns, and there's this sadness to the way he says his name, this underlying worry, and it rips Law's gaze away from the skies and onto his boyfriend. "Therapy does help."

"No it's shit, and lemme tell you why." Law sits up on his side of the spread and looks Luffy deep in the eye. " _Talking_ to someone about your problems doesn't _solve_ your problems. You tell someone else and sure, it might be a load off your chest, but that shit's just gonna come back to haunt you when it really matters. And then you'll just end up right back where you started again, but only worse because you realize there's no way out. Your problems aren't theirs. So it doesn't matter to them. You're _stuck_ with that shit. In the end, nothing changes."

Luffy swallows. "Law, I-"

"Especially," Law continues without waiting for Luffy to speak, "when your problems are internal rather than external. When there's no actual _reason_ for your problems."

He taps on his temple. "When your problems are up here, there's nothing anyone can do to solve them. You gotta do that shit yourself."

"But...they can at least walk you through your issues," Luffy tries a little desperately, and Law thinks it's cute.

"And if you're too tired to put up a fight?" Law challenges with a little too much edge to his tone, "if you've given up on yourself? What then?"

Luffy looks away. "I don't know."

"No one does, Luffy," Law sighs, "no one does."

They sit in silence for a bit, listening to the wind howl, to the kids laughing by the ocean a little bit aways from them. The beach is pretty empty despite it being high noon. Their picnic food lay untouched between them. Law isn't in the mood to eat. Neither, apparently, is Luffy. An unusual feat for the boy.

"Then what _can_ help?" Luffy asks quietly. "I don't...I don't like you being so sad, Law."

Law snorts. "My first thought was overdosing, but you seemed to hate that idea."

Luffy's face crumples. "God, stop saying shit like that!" His lips pinch together, and he turns to the ground. "You're scaring me. Dying isn't the answer."

"But I wouldn't feel the pain anymore, so is it really not an answer?" Law muses quietly.

Luffy pulls out his phone. "That's it, I'm calling Robin."

"No!" Law reaches out and tugs on his arm. The phone slips from his hands and falls into the blanket, clicking off. Luffy looks at him worriedly, brows drawn together.

"No," Law repeats softly, "I'd much rather just talk with you."

Luffy struggles for words. "Law I'm not _qualified_ to-"

"I know." Law bites his lip and averts his eyes. "This is probably a burden. _I'm_ probably a burden. God this sounds guilt-trippy as fuck. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, god." Luffy holds his face gently in his hands, thumb sliding over cheek. "You can talk to me anytime. Just don't say shit about dying. Even as a joke. My heart can't take it. Okay?"

"Okay," Law whispers. Luffy leans forward and presses his lips sweetly against his, and the ache in Law's heart fades a little bit.

When Luffy pulls away, he does so only a few centimeters, to lean his head on Law's. "Is Robin bad?"

"No, she's cool," Law admits truthfully, "I think she's great at her job."

"Then why-"

"I just. I guess I'm more comfortable with you."

Luffy's eyes soften, and he lifts his chin, kissing Law lovingly on the forehead. "I'll always be here for you, okay?"

A warm, fuzzy feeling surges through Law, and he finds himself nodding. "Okay."

Luffy leans back, stretching himself thin on the other side of the blanket. "You mentioned your medication earlier. Have you been taking them properly?"

"Hell no," Law chuckles, "I haven't."

"Why?"

"Because my memory is shit and I don't think they help much anyway."

"But Law," Luffy looks at him kinda funny, "you're a _doctor."_

"Well," Law scrunches up his nose a bit, "I guess I'm a shitty one then."

Luffy huffs out disbelievingly at that. "That's why you feel like shit, you haven't been taking your medicine. Do you need me to remind you or something?"

Law rolls his eyes. "Like you have the mental capacity to do that every day."

"I'm reliable when push comes to shove!"

"Yeah, yeah."

"Seriously, I can. And I will." Luffy finally pops an apple slice in his mouth, chewing slowly. "I don't mind."

"No, it's okay. I'll just...do it." Law slips his eyes close again. It's easier than looking at Luffy right now. "I don't need Robin up my ass for something else again."

Luffy raises a brow. "What is she up your ass about?"

"Getting 'involved'." Law says the words like they are poison on his tongue. "Apparently, I don't get out enough. And work doesn't count."

Luffy hums. "Well, what do you do for fun?"

Law thinks a bit. "All the things I used to do for fun, I don't have the energy to do anymore. So I just stick to the bare minimum now."

Luffy frowns. "Well that's no good."

Law shrugs, not looking at him. "That's the best I can do."

"Why not go out with Shachi and the others or something?"

"I'm not interested."

Luffy places his hand over Law's. "But you always used to hang out with them."

"A lot of things have changed about me, Luffy," Law murmurs in a low voice, eyes brimming with sorrow, "I hope you can still like me."

"Is that even a question?" Luffy squeezes his hand. "I will always love you, no matter what."

Law locks eyes with him. "I'm so lucky to have you."

Luffy blushes a little under the praise. "Y-You are?"

"Yeah." Law glances down to their intertwined fingers. "Not just anyone could deal with my baggage but you carry it as if it were your own. You walk me through my darkest hours and ask for nothing in return. You're there for me when I feel all alone in the world."

Luffy's eyes are brimming with tears as he speaks. "Of course I am Law. That much should be a given."

"I just feel like I don't deserve it, that's all." Law's eyes soften. "You deserve better than someone like me."

"Bullshit," Luffy grits, "you're perfect for me, and I love every single aspect of you."

"But-"

"End of discussion."

Law smiles at him, genuinely. "I've always loved that stubborn side of yours. Even if it's a pain in my ass sometimes."

"If you can feel the pain it means you're still alive." Luffy brings the back of his hand up to his mouth and brushes his lips against it. "And that's a good thing."

"I wonder."

Luffy kicks him playfully. "It _is."_

"Ow!" Law rubs his shin, grateful smile playing on his lips. "God, fine."

Luffy smiles at him and pops another slice into his mouth. "I'm really glad you're still with me, Law."

"Yeah?" Law asks, because fuck, him and his supid need for validation.

And Luffy would always provide. "Yeah."

Law and Luffy watch the kids playing for a solid minute, carefree screams of laughter filling the air. Luffy looks on wistfully. Law looks on in jealousy.

"I wish I were a kid again."

Luffy turns to him. "I think a lot of people feel the same way."

Law nods slowly. "Things were a lot simpler when I was little."

The man hums in understanding. "Yeah, adulthood is fucked."

"Ah," Law smiles at him, "so you do understand me."

"I see where you're coming from, yes," Luffy admits, "even me, I miss when I used to go on adventures with my friends. Now I have college to deal with. It sucks."

Law rolls onto his side, holding up his chin with a palm. "Do you know what you wanna study?"

"No, I'm still undecided," Luffy says, "but I'm reaching my junior year so I have to decide soon. I don't...I have no idea what I want to do."

"There's always the counseling I mentioned earlier."

"Nah." Luffy's eyes begin to sparkle. "I want to do something that involves the ocean."

"Hm," Law notes, "you've always been a fan, haven't you?"

Luffy looks out to the waves crashing against the shore, something like longing on his countenance. "Yeah, it's a big dream of mine."

Law feels a chill down his spine. "Dreams, huh?"

Luffy turns to him. "Was it your dream to become a surgeon?"

"Hell no," Law spits, face crumpling in disgust. "I was just good at medicine so I decided to take this path."

"Then...what _was_ your dream, Law?"

The man's expression turns bashful. "...A tattoo artist."

"That's amazing," Luffy marvels, mouth dropping open, "a tattoo artist? I can totally see it!"

Law smiles, eyes warm. "Thanks."

Luffy returns it twofold. "So why didn't you pursue it?"

Law's smile dims. "My parents. They wanted me to have a 'real job'."

"Oh man, that sucks," Luffy pouts, and Law shrugs.

"It makes decent enough money-"

"But you're not happy." Luffy's tone is sharp.

"No..." Law sighs. "I'm not. But a job is a job. You're not supposed to be doing it for fun, or so my parents say. You do it to make money."

"But happiness is happiness. You should be doing a job you love."

"Not everyone gets that opportunity." Law turns to him and Luffy looks stern. "I'll be honest, you make a fair point. But capitalism doesn't care for my happiness. It cares that the economy is turning."

"Well then _fuck_ capitalism." Luffy crosses his arms indignantly before a bewildered expression comes across his face. "Do you...mind explaining what capitalism is exactly?"

Law chuckles and shakes his head. "It's a long story, Luffy."

"...Alright," Luffy lets it go.

"But..." Law trails off. "Sometimes I wonder how I would've turned out if I _had_ chased my dreams. Said fuck you to my parents and did as I pleased."

"You should've," Luffy encourages, "you would've been happier."

"Maybe," Law muses. "But I wonder." He sits up, finally reaching over to the rice ball they both prepared for the date, and takes a bite out of it. Then he sets it down only to rake both his hands through his hair, groaning out of frustration. "Ugh! This is why living is such shit. Because the things you _wanna_ do gets looked down upon, and the things you _have_ to do even if you don't _want_ to are praised. And they pay more. Fuck money, man. Fuck everything."

Luffy lets Law rant, quietly partaking in some meat.

"Like this job as a surgeon I have, I don't care for it. I don't care about the money, I don't care about my standing, I literally give no shits. I just." Law struggles for words, then turns to Luffy a little desperately. "I only care about you."

"Law..." Luffy murmurs around the food in his mouth.

"That's why I popped the question about overdosing earlier, because I'm sick and _goddamn tired_ of living in a cycle of _bullshit."_ Law chews harshly, eyes narrowed. "Everyday I do the same goddamn thing, and I _hate it_ because I don't have the energy to do anything else. I want to, but I can't. God, what's wrong with me?"

"Nothing is wrong with you, Law," Luffy says quietly.

Law's eyes flicker to his, voice gravelly. "You sure? Because normal people don't leave suicide notes behind."

Luffy looks pained, and fuck, it hurts seeing him like this. Law reaches over and pats his leg. "I'm sorry I keep bringing this shit up."

"You're fine."

"It's really not." Law sighs. "I'm just...really overwhelmed. Fucked up in the head."

"And that's why you should continue with therapy," Luffy says, "so you can get the help you need."

"Robin helps, but not with the things I _really_ need help with." Law palms his eyes. "If anything, the sessions with her opened my eyes to one thing. If I left...how would _you_ feel?"

Luffy shakes his head, eyes swelling with tears. "Law, I don't-"

"I know, I know." Law holds up his hands. "I won't go into details. But she made me realize that I'd be causing you even more pain than when I was alive if I were to die. And I'm not that shit of a person to do that."

He lowers his hands slightly. "Doesn't mean I won't have my moments, but _fuck_ I can't do that to you. I don't want to be a burden even in death."

Law suddenly finds himself crushed in a hug, Luffy's lithe arms squeezing tightly. He doesn't say a word- there are no words to be said. It's a physical show of how much he means to him, just how full his heart is from his love. It's a show of Luffy's understanding, even if he never could. Law gets the meaning behind it; it's so much more than just a hug. The importance of it makes tears fill his eyes and overflow.

This was much needed.

Something as simple as a hug wouldn't do shit to help his problems, but god, he felt like he was on cloud nine just from a single touch. His mind felt at ease, his heart at rest. Law leans back so he's laying on the ground, Luffy pulled on top of him. They stay like this for what seems like ages, Law rubbing a hand up and down Luffy's back, Luffy's cheek flush against his rising and falling chest.

Several moments pass in peace before Luffy looks up. He's crying, just like Law.

"I'm not perfect," Luffy starts in a whisper, "but if you'll have me, I'll never leave your side. Ever."

Law sniffles, shaky smile stretching his lips. "Was that a proposal, Luffy?"

"And if it was?"

Law's breathy laughs shake his body. "Then you forgot the ring, dummy."

Luffy hums and scoots forward, face hovering over Law's, slowly lowering down. "Sorry. Have this instead?"

Law hums and lets Luffy's lips brush over his, soft and gentle. He smiles into the kiss, hands coming up to tangle in his hair. Luffy sighs against him, tongue running along his lower lip, head tilted to taste more of him.

Luffy pulls back only to whisper, "I love you."

Law feels his heart about to absolutely burst. "I love you too, Luffy."

Luffy's face brightens. "Then don't leave me?"

Law swallows thickly. "...I won't."

"Is that a promise?"

"Luffy-"

"Say it." Luffy's voice wavers, fraught with emotion.

Law sighs deeply. How could he leave Luffy to fend for himself? He's not that cruel, is he?

He's not, but his demons are.

Law hates to make a promise he can't keep, but with Luffy pinning him like this, begging him like this, it's hard to refuse.

"I promise." The words are sour on his tongue, but he could deal with the taste ten times over if it means seeing Luffy's face light up like it did the moment the promise was sealed.

"Yay!" Luffy grins, hugging Law tightly and burying his face in his chest. "I'm happy!"

Law smiles adoringly at him, feeling emotional. This was a big step. It didn't mean his problems magically disappeared, but for once, his tormentors let him have this moment. "I am too."

And for once, he means it.

* * *

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: i dont know where this was going, just that i wanted to rant through law. long car rides = wandering thoughts.
> 
> P.S. the only thing i dont have in common with law here is that he stuck to his path and got a ‘real job’. i often wonder what i wouldve been like had i stuck to my career path in college. i wonder if i wouldve been happy. life is fucked like that, i guess. i have no idea.


End file.
